Saturday, July 08, 2006
The new face of terrorism:
Toddlers in Kaqhistan "were thinking" about Bombing White House
A terrorist plot to bomb the White House was broken up in its "very early" planning stages, U.S. officials said yesterday, with three suspects arrested in Pissville,the capital city of the central Asian country of Kaqhistan (a member of the Coalition of the Willing that has dispatched three janitors to Baghdad last July). They included two toddlers (see above) that the FBI said were al-Quaeda "sympathizers" and their nanny who is suspected of being the "leader" of the alleged terrorist cell.
FBI officials, appearing in a press conference in Washington, DC, on Thursday (see below) said that they have been aware of the cell for about a year. "The planning or the plotting for this attack had matured to the point where it appeared that the individuals were about to do something," Larry Moron, the special agent in charge of the agency's chief liason with Kaqhistan's security services, said during the press conference. "They were about to go to a phase where they would attempt to establish a system of operations, and at that point I think it's entirely appropriate to take [the cell] down."
Federal law enforcement authorities identified the main subjects of the investigation, as Darka bin-Buba (3) and Kurkur bin-Buba (1.5), two toddlers that have been brought to the attention of the security services in Pissville early last year after one of their neighbors complained that Kurkur hit her kid with a plastic hammer as he was crying, "Tee-see-pish! Tee-see-pish! "Since 'Tee-see-pish' isn't recognized in the Kaqhi language and in light of the violent behavior exhibited by Mr. bin-Buba, our Kaqhistani colleagues decided to launch a major investigation," Curly Cheney, the FBI top terrorism expert (and the nephew of VP Cheney) told the news conference on Thursday. "After several months of investigations we've concluded that 'Tee-see-pish" was a referrence to 'DC' and 'Bush' and that Mr. bin-Buba was trying to recruit his young neighbor to take part in a plot to attack Washington, and more specifically to target President Bush."
Among other things, U.S. and Kaqhistani investigators discovered that Ms. bin-Buba was in possession of "suspicious" reading materials. "One of the turning points in the investigation was the day when while going through Ms. bin-Buba's books we found what we think is a manual used by Mideast terrorists, titled 'One Thousand Nights and One Night,'" Moe Shmoe told reporters. "Ms. bin-Buba's nanny, Fatima Mafati made it sound as thought this was a collection of ancient Arab tales," Mr. Shmoe noted. "Yeah, right! Accient Arab tales! She seems to think that we are a bunch of stupid and incompetent FBI investigators."
Ms. Mafati (45)have already raised suspicions among investigators after she placed an ad on a internet website that tries to match Kaqhistani women with American men. One of the men who responded to her ad has a screen-name of "Benito." FBI agents traced the screen-name to a long-time Washington resident, Michael Ledeeenn. He was arrested last and accused him of links to terrorism. Ledeeeen told the FBI that he suspected that disgruntled members of Italy's Propaganda II Hacked into his computer.
Mr. Moron admitted that the investigation hasn't found any evidence that the plotters were purchasing explosives or airline tickets to fly to Washington, DC. "It's true that Mr. and Ms. bin-Buba wouldn't have been able to carry out their plans for at least another fifteen years," Mr. Moron said. "So what? Even if plots seem improbable, it is essential for arrests to be made as early as possible to prevent any real threat in the future," Mr. Moron explained, adding: "It's all part of our pre-emptive strategy.Don't you think that the world would have been a safer place if we had been able to get to Hitler's mom at a very 'early stage' and force her to use a condom?"
Not stupid and incompetent investigators