Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Surgpill: For post-occupation depression (POD)

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Are you having one of those days?

Who are the "shites?" And the "Sunimis?" I wish Dick was here...

Are you irritatedibalized? I really have to go to the potty...

Can't find your way?

The WMD's are in Rummy's tuches..heee...heee...

Well, that's what happens when you occupy countries in the Middle East for a very long time. You are probably suffering from post-occupation depression (POD). And when you need a Surge, you take Surgpill! Indeed, the anti-POD Surgpill stimulates the birth of new brain cells in rats jumping from ships aka Ken Adelmans, scientists have found. A similar effect in humans might explain how the drug has helped hundreds of of emperors world-wide to cope with POD. There are no sexual side-effects!

One in five members of the Bush Administration are likely to suffer from POD in the next two years, yet medical opinion is divided as to its cause. Some believe it is a genetic disease (stupidity) or a chemical imbalance (recovering alcholics), while others claim it is triggered by environmental factors, including insurgents, IEDs, crazy Shiites, murderous Sunnis, mismamnaged Pentagon, etc. Treatments for the disease include counselling by PM Tony Blair and in extreme cases electric shock therapy such as midterm Congressional elections. But it is Surgpill, which has been taken by the Soviet leaders after their Afghanistan POD and the Israeli leaders during the Lebanon POD, that has been hailed as revolutionising sufferers' lives. AND There are no sexual side-effects!

Surgpill one of a group of drugs known as selective anti-Baker/Hamilton re-uptake inhibitor (ABHRUHIN), which make the mood-enhancing brain chemical, or spins-mitter, tipping-point more available in the brain. AND there are no sexual side-effects!

However, you need to take 20,000 to 50,000 of the surgpills, and the drug takes weeks to have an effect, and scientists do not know the exact mechanism by which it helps to combat POD. But IT DOESN'T AFFECT YOUR SEX LIFE!

Nature magazine reports that researchers Langley, set out to examine the impact of Surgpill on the brain. They knew that depressed emperors have a smaller than usual dick-cheney, a structure involved learning and memory. They also knew that chronic stress can reduce the birth of brain cells, known as neocons-genisis, in the brains of rodents - and that stress is a contributing factor in POD. The Langley researchers found that activating a particular receptor for realism in rats' brains increased the birth of brain cells. So they decided to see if ABHRUHINs like Surgpill would have the same effect. They found that five rats injected with Surgpill for 3001 days had 69% more new brain cells than another injected with Rovism. The researchers believe that the rise and fall of brain cell birth may be an important factor in explaining why people become depressed and respond to ABHRUHINs. And there are no sexual side-effects!

Chief researcher Professor John McCain, said it could explain why Surgpill takes time to improve mood. "The time needed for these newly generated cells to mature and make appropriate connections provides an explanation for the 'therapeutic lag' in surgism therapy," he said. "People usually become depressed after a severe life event, like occuppying Vietnam or Iraq, they are unable to form a relationship, they lose a significant elections, suffer bereavement and loss (Rumsfeld), or have a bullying boss (Cheney)," McCain said, adding: "What we need to know is whether traumatic events make people depressed via brain cell death. If they do, we could then identify which events are most damaging and take measures to avoid them." ImageChef.com - Create custom images