Rumsfeld in another "surprise visit" to Iraq...

According to Reuters Rumsfeld makes surprise visit to Baghdad:
Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld sought to show U.S. support for Iraq's new leadership on Wednesday, making a surprise visit to Baghdad just days after Shi'ite politician Jawad al-Maliki was chosen as prime minister.
Rumsfeld swooped into the capital aboard a military cargo plane for his first visit to Iraq in 2006.
In addition to Iraqi political developments, Rumsfeld's trip comes as U.S. military commanders contemplate reducing the number of American troops in the country in the coming months. There are about 132,000 American troops in Iraq at present.
Rumsfeld indicated earlier this week that the Pentagon intended to stick with plans to reduce the size of the U.S. military presence, but he gave no specific numbers nor a timetable.
Opinion polls show U.S. public support for the three-year-old Iraq war eroding, which is contributing to a drop in President George W. Bush's job approval ratings.
Rumsfeld himself has weathered a storm of criticism from six retired generals who have demanded his dismissal, accusing him of disregarding military advice, ruling by intimidation and making strategic blunders in Iraq.

And that reminded me of another report on another "surprise visit" by Rumsfeld published last year in The Onion:
Rumsfeld Makes Surprise Visit To Wife's Vagina
August 17, 2005 | Issue 41•33
WASHINGTON, DC—Amid rumors of sagging morale on the home front, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld greeted his wife Joyce Monday with an unanticipated visit to her vagina, according to the Pentagon.
"Today, at about 1600 hours EST, Secretary Rumsfeld landed in the vagina and delivered cordial greetings to Mrs. Rumsfeld," said Pentagon spokesman Lt. Col. William Brock. "The focus of the trip was to thank Mrs. Rumsfeld for her long years of outstanding service and continuing sacrifices, and to afford the defense secretary an opportunity to survey the vagina up close and in person."
The 12-minute visit, described by Brock as "brief but satisfactory," was characterized by sources close to the vagina as an "in and out" mission.
Because of security concerns, Rumsfeld's aides were quiet about the visit, taking extra efforts to conceal the defense secretary's plans from the media and his wife. After delivering a speech to his wife, Rumsfeld performed a brief inspection of her vagina, then engaged in a few minutes of relaxed, informal contact before returning to the Pentagon.
"Despite the hurried nature of the visit, I am proud to report that my wife met and exceeded the operational standards set by the U.S. military for readiness in a two-front war," said Rumsfeld in a press conference shortly after the visit. "I am confident that she can still stand up to heavy fire and serve ably, even in a rearguard action."
The visit comes at a time in which controversial rumors have spread throughout Washington about low morale on the part of Mrs. Rumsfeld. Reports from confidantes indicate that her vagina is being undersupplied by the Department of Defense, and extended tours of duty have stirred up feelings of discontent. Although the two have faithfully served one another since 1954, Secretary Rumsfeld's busy schedule and demanding obligations have prevented him from visiting the fertile crescent since last November's highly publicized surprise visit.
A brief question-and-answer period following the visit revealed some difference of opinion between Rumsfeld and the woman whose vagina he is charged with supplying. When she asked the defense secretary if she could expect "more consistent support" from him in the future, Mrs. Rumsfeld received a characteristically salty reply.
"Naturally, I would like to spend more time in the vaginal region," Rumsfeld said. "But we have a difficult mission to complete, both at home and on the front. Everyone in this conflict is making sacrifices. You go to the vagina with the equipment you have."
This explanation did not satisfy Judith Proudfit, executive director of Veterans' Wives Against The War and a sharp critic of the Bush Administration. Proudfit called Rumsfeld's visit a "craven publicity move intended to foster the illusion that Rumsfeld is in touch with his wife's vagina."
"Rumsfeld's blunt, defensive response clearly indicates that he has no intention of making her a top priority," Proudfit said. "The situation in Mrs. Rumsfeld's vagina was in no way improved by such a brief encounter."
Continued Proudfit: "It is a true testament to Mrs. Rumsfeld's patience, stamina, and patriotism that she continues to serve her husband under such duress."
When asked about future plans for his wife's vagina, Rumsfeld grew somber.
"This vagina has seen a lot of action," Rumsfeld said. "And much of its infrastructure has fallen into disrepair. I do believe, however, that my wife's sustained efforts under my direction will ultimately allow us to re-establish order in this troubled area."
The Pentagon would not confirm a rumor that President Bush is scheduled to drop in on the vagina with a holiday turkey around Christmas.
Perhaps Rumsfeld should stay there (not in Iraq).

Also check out this hillarious Bladder Control and Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?
at Billmon's "Whiskey Bar."


Popular posts from this blog

When will Israel attack Iran?

On Stephen Walt's... whatever